The one on GREED

INT. CHURCH-LATE MORNING

A YOUNG WOMAN fumbles with her purse. Her heart is heavy. It is apparent in her face and overall demeanor. She seems troubled, yet hopeful. She sees the USHER with the offering plate walking closer to her. She tries to move more swiftly. The internal struggle is obvious. She finds the crumpled dollar bills. The offering plate is placed in her hands. She shoves the dollar bills into her purse, takes the plate and passes it on.

This seems like it could be a scene in a film. (Obviously, it is written in script format.) This happens everyday. This happened to me.

This past Sunday in church, we were wrapping up our series on 'Matters of the Heart' this week's topic was the dreaded G word. GREED  Listen Here.

I thought 'How many times have I heard this one?!' 'Giving to the church is important...I get it!' Nevertheless, I listened attentively, hey...maybe I would learn something.

After service when I was talking to some people about it I was a little angry. The sermon focused so much on giving of finances and not our time, etc.

Here was my thought process at the time:
-'We as Christians can be greedy with our time, not just our money!'
-'I make it a priority to invest my time in others, my church, etc. I AM NOT GREEDY.'
-'I have no job or income. I cannot give like God wants me to.'

In the sermon, Pastor Kyle talked about how there different types of greed. Most of the time when we think of greed in our lives...we envision this:

He's mean. Brash. Heartless.

Yeah. It's true, we have encountered people in our lives who are 'Scrooge McDucks.'
But greed can come in other forms, like this:

I look like a fool in this picture, mid-laugh and all.  It's obvious that greed can be covered by the most light-hearted and fun exterior. But nevertheless, I came to the realization that I am one greedy---shut yo mouth!

Let me explain. Pastor Kyle made a really good point about how we are so quick to spend on ourselves. But when it comes to helping others or giving to the church, we become so hesitant and make excuses not to give willingly and freely.

How many times has this happened to me. I have a opportunity to give to a missionary, my church, or a worthy cause. I give, but I give LESS than the bare minimum or I do not give at all.  But when it comes to spending money on myself, I give no second thought when it comes to feeding my own needs and desires.

I am all about investing. I love investing in others lives. I make time for others. I willingly and freely give time to God. I thought I was doing a good job. I was doing enough.

I began to reflect on my current situation. Living on very fixed income. No job. Graduating soon. Jobs are not coming my way. Schedule is packed tight. Do I have time to make income right now?

Then I began reflecting on the past. When I did have a job. I gave. But it was certainly not the 10% or more. It was certainly not the first check I wrote out.  I always gave God what was left over, if any.

'What an idiot.' I spent my money on myself, feeding my selfish desires. Thinking about it sickens me.


So what now?

I want to be able to glorify God with my finances. I think we can let our circumstances get in the way of that. The fear of the unknown cripples us, because let's face it, money does in fact make the world go round.  I know that I should give freely and willingly, I desire deeply to be able to do that. But then reality sets in. 'If I give this much, how will I____?'

This is where faith and trust steps in. 

Right now, I am in place where I am limited with my finances. But I can still give. I want to give. I need to give. It will just take budgeting, self-control, and lots of trusting and relying on God.

When the time comes when I actually have a real job (whether that comes sooner or later) I want to be able to give to God. I pray that in this season in my life, he will equip me with the things in order to learn how to do it effectively.

But what is encouraging, is to know that I am not alone in this. I know many other brothers and sisters younger and older than me who struggle with the same exact thing.

Please pray for me friends.