Week Two: Transition and Changes.

As I approach the end of my second week as a resident of Bellflower. I am realizing some things.

Transition is hard. (No brain-er)
I find myself having to adjust from not being a few minutes away from family. A new environment. Being the 'new kid on the block', feeling like a fish swimming against the current, etc. Pushing past the initial awkwardness and trying to slowly build relationships with my new neighbors. All this while trying to balance personal relationships and work (or lack there of).

This is MY community
About a week ago, I had the pleasure of doing Asset-Based Community Development (ABCD) training with CityNet, another non-profit who are connected to KCB. The one thing that I took away from it is this:

'Community Development is not about doing it for people, its about doing it WITH people.'

So simple, yet it resonates deeply. I am learning to have ownership of my new community. These are my neighbors. And I am now a part of the process of being woven into it. This excites me. It motivates me.

I have been crazy busy. But I am excited to share that slowly but surely I am building relationships with my neighbors.

It has been difficult to make the first initial steps of saying hello and making small talk. If you know me well enough, you know that even though I am very people-oriented and thrive in environments with others, I initially am terribly nervous and a bit awkward when it comes to meeting new people. Some have told me this is endearing, but I fear they are wrong. :P

But once again I am reminded that this awkwardness is okay. It's another chance for me to rely on Christ for boldness!

I am reminded of when I was a RA at Biola. My palms would get so sweaty and my mouth would become so dry when I thought of approaching a new resident. But I overcame this fear in time and PUSHED myself.

When I look back at that experience I can't help but laugh and see how God pushed me to be bold.

Well here I am again. Palms sweaty. Mouth dry.

Who knows maybe I will look back and laugh at my nervousness once again!

Here's hoping!
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 I do have an interesting story to share.

This past Saturday, I had the pleasure of volunteering with a local church that puts on a weekly breakfast for the local homeless community.

I have helped with these type of events in the past. But what made this so different was that instead of being in the background, serving the poor. I was sitting alongside them sharing a meal and sharing our lives together.

As I began to talk to people. The nervousness crept up. My insecurities in my own abilities to interact with people grew as I would hear of the stories of what life was really like on the street, the hopelessness and jadedness that was apparent in their words and faces.

I too began to feel discouraged and jaded. I did not know the words to respond to this.
I began to to think, 'This is so hard. Why am I here?' I am not equipped.'

I realized that I needed to shut up and ask God for strength. Turn off the negative voices and just LISTEN to the words and stop trying to come up with comforting words or whatever.

When I stopped and listened and allowed the spirit to work through me, things fell into place.

I had a amazing conversation with a man, about early 30's. It was strange, our conversation started with him asking me if I have ever gotten high. (Again, I do not know how it got there!), slowly from there we talked about his time in jail and then I found about his children and how he has had trouble finding work.

We talked for awhile before he left. And he left me with this:
'Will I see you next, week?'

You bet.

PRAYER REQUESTS

Boldness
Pushing myself to be intentional with all the new people in my life. To not be discouraged by the awkwardness or the initial differences that we may have. To not let my insecurities (lies from the enemy!!) get in the way of loving others well. Be bold. Be confident.

Trusting/Relying on Lord for Strength
This week has been a difficult one for me personally. Please pray that I will be obedient in the Spirit for the difficult things I have been processing and find true joy and comfort in his love alone. That as much as I am investing in others, that I in turn will let others invest in and love me. RECEIVE. RECEIVE. RECEIVE.

Thank you friends! :)

Transition and Trails.

Two weeks ago I had the pleasure of taking a road trip with friends to SF and spending some time up in LA. It was a great time being able to be in the company of good people and just live in the moment.

But now I am back in San Diego.
And reality sets in...

As I left LA. I realized two things:
1. What is next?
2. Have you even prayerfully considered your next move?

The answer unfortunately was no. Since I graduated my life I found myself living a a life of waiting for the next big event. (Christimas, New Years, My birthday, etc) I wasn't considering my future. I longed to be back in LA and finding anyway i could to be back up there. Why wouldn't I? My friends and my solid community were all up there.  But I wasn't praying about it.

My mind has been conflicted. Do I try to continue my post grad life in LA? Or do I stay in San Diego and begin a new life here?

It would be a no-brainer to stop and pray about it. But I think I was fearful of what the Lord might be calling me to do. I kept putting it off. And off....and off....

Leaving LA I realized that it marked an end of a chapter in my life. I realized that I needed to really think about my future, I couldn't put it off any longer. As silly as it may sound, as I close this chapter in my life, I can't help but feel a sense of grief.

I soon came to the realization that my time in LA was a season. I had the privilege of forming amazing friendships, and finding a great community. It was also during this time that the Lord stretched me in ways I couldn't even imagine. I learned what it looks like to risk and be known by others and love others deeply.

I think a part of the reason I was so eager to move back up to LA right away was because I am fearful. I had grown acustomed to my life in LA, it was comfortable. I was known, I had a sense of belonging. I am a little fearful of being home in San Diego, where my community is very limited. I am scared of the loneliness that may come. The thought of stepping out and finding a new church community and being known by a new community scares me.

As I start my new life in San Diego. I know that the Lord is calling me again to risk. Trusting in him that he will provide me with a life-giving community that will continue to strengthen me, something that I deeply desire. Trusting that he will put new people in my life that will encourage and love me. Trusting that he will provide the right opportunities in order for me to make ends meet.

The thought of starting fresh is a very exciting and scary thought. I am excited for what may come and am open to wherever the Lord takes me. But I know that in the midst of excitement and optimism, I will be tested in my faith and patience. I pray that whatever happens the Lord will strengthen and stretch me and use me as a testament to his kingdom. 

While I will deeply miss the relationships that I have formed in the past 3 years. I am learning that relationships evolve and change. I cannot hold on tightly to these relationships and what they used to be, longing for them so much to the point that it cripples me. I have to be intentional as well as having open hands that allow change and evolution to happen.

So here is the tentative plan: Get rooted in good church community in SD, look for part-time work, volunteer with various programs within the city, apply for various community/leadership development fellowships in the LA.

While I do desire to one day make LA my home. I honestly do not know where the Lord will take me. I can only be responsible for the things he has chosen to reveal to me now.