Monday, September 10, 2012

Tasting and Seeing...

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
-Psalm 34:8

I am definitely tasting and seeing what the Lord has done for me!

This past weekend I had a little shindig at my place to celebrate God's faithfulness in my life. Specifically my full-time gig at Olive Crest, an awesome non-profit that I seriously am falling in love with.

Today after I finished cleaning up the house after the party-tornado destroyed our living room (it literally took me 2 hours to clean up), I lied down, exhausted. And a thought came into my head. 'Lord you have been so, so faithful.'

Not just with this job, or this amazing opportunity to serve in my neighborhood. Someone could look at me and say 'Of course Rachel, you deserve this, you work hard, you genuinely care about others, etc.'

I am nothing. All that I have done and accomplished in my life is evidence of God's faithfulness in my life.

Overcome with emotion, I began to write in my handy dandy journal. While flipping through old entries I came across one dated September 11, 2011:

September 2011..

In this entry I was barely beginning to explore this call that I felt was put on my heart to minister to the poor. I had more questions than answers. I wanted to know 'why now?' 'am I really strong enough to do this?' "Do I follow this call?'

As I read this entry again, I see a common theme. Fear. I was fearful of how God was going to play this out in my life. How would he use me? Of course I was not strong enough to care for others. Why me? Why now? I was frustrated with the lack of clarity and direction.

But I also see that I desired to risk and explore this call on my heart to LIVE IT OUT. I didn't know how the hell I was gonna do it, but I was determined.

Fast forward one year. Here I am. Living and serving in my neighborhood. Being mentored and encouraged by like-minded individuals. Working closely with an amazing team to provide a glimpse of God's kingdom in our city. Gaining wisdom from colleagues who were once in my shoes, asking the same questions that I have. I'm learning more and more each day what it looks like to truly love my neighbor. With each up and down, I feel affirmed that this is the place where God wants me.

Sometimes I think. How did I get here?
Two words: Obedience and Faith. (An on going process that never ends! Yay for processes!)

Oh it seems so easy, but as I am still learning it is most definitely not.

So what does this look like in my life?
Trusting that God will provide the next steps. Relinquishing my fear and control and allowing him to do his work.

Easier said than done. In the past year alone, I see how God has turned my world upside down, right side up, and then back down again....calling me to risk and trust him, through joy and pain, heartache, and darkness. 

It has been a crazy year to say the least. He has provided in ways I have never imagined.
Some of those questions I asked a year ago are no longer questions, some have been clearly answered, some are in the process of being answered, and of course new questions have risen.

I will never have all the answers. But I finally feel like I am at a place where I can honestly say that it's perfectly okay I don't have the answers.

One step at a time. I am only responsible for what Lord chooses to reveal to me. I have to be diligent with it and trust that the Lord is lighting my way. He is my foundation.

As I think about the Lord's faithfulness in my life. I can't help but get excited to see where He has taken me. Through the valleys and mountains. Each experience, a new lesson learned, and most importantly my faith is renewed and strengthened. Always forward.

Basically God is the bees-knees.

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