The Realities of Living Incarnationally.

So there I sat. Frustration. Anger. Disappointment.

Who was I angry with? Why was I so frustrated? Where was this disappointment coming from?

Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of attending the Christians in Community Development Association (CCDA) National Conference in Minneapolis. It was an amazing experience to connect with like-minded individuals and be inspired by the stories of transformation that was going on in local neighborhoods. To see God's hand working through people like me.

Coming back home. I began to assess my own neighborhood. Where was the transformation happening in my own neighborhood? Where were those life-giving relationships? Where was the interdependence?

To be honest. I can't see it. And this is where the trouble begins.

I began to compare myself to others. To the stories I heard of living incarnationally. From my perspective. I didn't have those relationships with my neighbors. Why wasn't I able to have these type of relationships? Did my neighbors not like me? Am I not good enough? I must not be equipped to do this work.

The feelings of inadequacy grew and grew.

Why am I here? Where is God in my neighborhood, and why isn't he using me?

It's a trap. And these questions are lies.

One of the things I struggle with is finding my own worth in my work, the approval and acceptance of others. I know and believe my identity is in Christ, but struggles are struggles and they creep up every once in awhile, especially in times like this. I am wrestling through this. But I have faith that God is working. Even when I can't see it. I must live by faith not by sight.

God is here, in the Ramona neighborhood. He has ALWAYS been here. And he will be here when I leave. His hand is working.  But he has put me here in this neighborhood during this particular season for a reason. I must have faith that he will use me, in his timing.

So how is God working?
The work that is being done is not outwardly. Its in my heart. God is showing me to live by faith. Not by sight.

He is transforming me and showing me that the relationships that I'm building take time. They have seasons. Times of abundance and times of drought. In the times of drought, where relationships are not so fruitful, it DOES NOT reflect my worth or my ability.

I am believing this is true.

I am learning to take ownership of my assets. As I think about my strengths and what I do well, I am good at developing and fostering growth with people through relationships. Getting to know their story, investing, walking alongside, learning from, and receiving from every relationship.  God has given me the ability to connect and relate to my neighbors. He is showing how to do this day by day.

Today, I took a long stroll around my neighborhood.

My walk way everyday.

One of my neighbors art studio. Bellflower is filled with such a wide array of people!

Sign for a local carniceria

Broken TV set in the empty parking lot next door.

Business along Clark Blvd.

The Artesian.

I made sure I took the time to soak up and allow myself to immerse myself in my neighborhood. The sights, sounds, people.

As I walked through the neighborhood, I kept seeing things like this:

All the vacant businesses alongside Belflower Blvd

All about me clothing. Another recently closed shop.

Lock. Stock, And barrel.

Business gone. Vacant signs at every corner. Even the business that were once booming with enthusiastic owners when I first moved in, now left in shambles, abandoned.

REVIVAL. 

Those are the words I could hear God speaking to me. Loud and clear.

As I saw the run down buildings, empty, broken glass, abandoned. I began to think of how this reflected my neighborhood.

In conversations with my Bellflower neighbors, Bellflower was once the thriving little town. 

In recent times the economy has hit it hard, like it has in most surrounding communities. Business that once thrived, now left to nothing. Foreclosures are a daily occurrence.

Like the buildings. The people here, including myself are broken, empty, waiting for life to be breathed into it.  Searching for revival, a fire back in our bones.


I have been praying that God would reveal needs of my neighbors to me. How can I meet those needs? What are my own needs? Where is my own poverty?

Revival needs to happen here. And its going to happen. God is HERE! I have faith that he is going to do something BIG here. I don't know when and I don't know how. But again. By faith, not by sight


A revival is going to happen in my neighborhood, in my city. My prayer is that God will be seen, in the most unexpected ways. And I know somewhere in there, I and my fellow fellows are going to be a apart of it. Big or small. We are laying the foundations to a transformed Bellflower.

Revival is not only happening outwardly, its happening within me. God is helping me defeat the lies that i believe about myself. The lies of inadequacy and my disbelief in my heart. My worth is not in what I do. It is not in the quality of relationships that I build or what others think of me. It is in Christ. And Christ only. 

I falling in love my neighborhood.  I am falling in love with its unique quirks, the kookiness and I mourn with it in its brokenness but am joyful that God is here to bring comfort to his people in the midst of it. I feel at home. And that is a wonderful feeling. I desire to stick with it through thick and thin. God is here and moving. I feel it in my bones.

By faith, not by sight.

-Rachel

Week Two: Transition and Changes.

As I approach the end of my second week as a resident of Bellflower. I am realizing some things.

Transition is hard. (No brain-er)
I find myself having to adjust from not being a few minutes away from family. A new environment. Being the 'new kid on the block', feeling like a fish swimming against the current, etc. Pushing past the initial awkwardness and trying to slowly build relationships with my new neighbors. All this while trying to balance personal relationships and work (or lack there of).

This is MY community
About a week ago, I had the pleasure of doing Asset-Based Community Development (ABCD) training with CityNet, another non-profit who are connected to KCB. The one thing that I took away from it is this:

'Community Development is not about doing it for people, its about doing it WITH people.'

So simple, yet it resonates deeply. I am learning to have ownership of my new community. These are my neighbors. And I am now a part of the process of being woven into it. This excites me. It motivates me.

I have been crazy busy. But I am excited to share that slowly but surely I am building relationships with my neighbors.

It has been difficult to make the first initial steps of saying hello and making small talk. If you know me well enough, you know that even though I am very people-oriented and thrive in environments with others, I initially am terribly nervous and a bit awkward when it comes to meeting new people. Some have told me this is endearing, but I fear they are wrong. :P

But once again I am reminded that this awkwardness is okay. It's another chance for me to rely on Christ for boldness!

I am reminded of when I was a RA at Biola. My palms would get so sweaty and my mouth would become so dry when I thought of approaching a new resident. But I overcame this fear in time and PUSHED myself.

When I look back at that experience I can't help but laugh and see how God pushed me to be bold.

Well here I am again. Palms sweaty. Mouth dry.

Who knows maybe I will look back and laugh at my nervousness once again!

Here's hoping!
=========================================================================

 I do have an interesting story to share.

This past Saturday, I had the pleasure of volunteering with a local church that puts on a weekly breakfast for the local homeless community.

I have helped with these type of events in the past. But what made this so different was that instead of being in the background, serving the poor. I was sitting alongside them sharing a meal and sharing our lives together.

As I began to talk to people. The nervousness crept up. My insecurities in my own abilities to interact with people grew as I would hear of the stories of what life was really like on the street, the hopelessness and jadedness that was apparent in their words and faces.

I too began to feel discouraged and jaded. I did not know the words to respond to this.
I began to to think, 'This is so hard. Why am I here?' I am not equipped.'

I realized that I needed to shut up and ask God for strength. Turn off the negative voices and just LISTEN to the words and stop trying to come up with comforting words or whatever.

When I stopped and listened and allowed the spirit to work through me, things fell into place.

I had a amazing conversation with a man, about early 30's. It was strange, our conversation started with him asking me if I have ever gotten high. (Again, I do not know how it got there!), slowly from there we talked about his time in jail and then I found about his children and how he has had trouble finding work.

We talked for awhile before he left. And he left me with this:
'Will I see you next, week?'

You bet.

PRAYER REQUESTS

Boldness
Pushing myself to be intentional with all the new people in my life. To not be discouraged by the awkwardness or the initial differences that we may have. To not let my insecurities (lies from the enemy!!) get in the way of loving others well. Be bold. Be confident.

Trusting/Relying on Lord for Strength
This week has been a difficult one for me personally. Please pray that I will be obedient in the Spirit for the difficult things I have been processing and find true joy and comfort in his love alone. That as much as I am investing in others, that I in turn will let others invest in and love me. RECEIVE. RECEIVE. RECEIVE.

Thank you friends! :)